This was one of the more depressing articles I have come across. It was posted on the “Huffington Post” website by some woman (Iris
I don’t even have to criticize how god awful these two
people are, as they do a pretty good job themselves. I have broken down the article below (comments by original author (Iris) or poster (Cindy) are in italics, my response in plain
text):
“I get hate mail like
this using slightly different language several times a week. Substitute the
word "hate" for "loathe", "despise", "can't
stand" and occasionally, "wanna kill".”
You know if a guy said he hated/loathed/despised/can’t
stand/wanted to kill his wife, he would branded a sexist sicko. Yet women all over the world who read this are nodding their head in agreement.
“Plenty of wives think about divorce at least once a month, if not more,
and manage to stay married for decades.”
So, the woman lying next to me in bed might just be
pretending she loves me. She may
secretly (or not so secretly) loath me and wish I would go away forever. Why don’t these gutless turds file for
divorce if they hate us so much?
“Any woman married for
longer than six months, if she is honest, knows the eggshell thin line that
separates loving from loathing.”
Six months? That’s
all? Are women really this bitter? I don’t buy it. Even I don’t think most married women are this bad (and this is
coming from someone who has lost faith in women). But maybe I'm wrong.
“Any wife who is
honest knows the compulsion to throw things, to hiss, to swear, to sit in the
driveway in your bathrobe, engine running, sobbing.”
Men don’t normally have the luxury to do these sorts of
silly things. We have stuff to do, so I
suggest that these ladies do the same. FIX IT or DEAL WITH IT!
“What wife among you
hasn't occasionally sucked down too much wine to numb the pain of grinding
against the same person, in the same house, every day, for weeks, months,
years?”
This comment is ridiculous on so many levels. First it portrays women as drug addicts
(yes, alcohol is a drug). It is drug
addicts who use drugs as an escape mechanism and emotional crutch.
“Grinding” against the same person? Your loving husband is the daily grind? What a callous statement. And talk about the pot calling the kettle
black. Maybe these women should be happy that somebody still cares about their tired, worn out ass.
OF COURSE it's going to be the “same person in the same house [day in day
out]” – DUH!!! Don’t you know that’s
what marriage is? The agreement to be
with the same person forever!? The
agreement that you will no longer date others?
If you don’t want to see the same person every night then you should
either stay single or behave like the nasty skank you are and have continual 1-night stands. Gross.
“Yet we stay married
because the love out-muscles the hate in our relationships.”
First of all, there should not be ‘hate’. Though we may not love everything about our
mates, to hate means there is something inherently wrong.
Second of all, these types of women do not
stay married because love ‘out-muscles the hate’ – they stay married because of
intertia (they are comfortable) and because they don’t have the balls to get a
divorce.
“I know from my own
24-year marriage and from the resilient women in The Secret Lives of Wives who
have stuck it out for up to 60 years that marriage is ever-changing.”
I can’t believe this woman has remained married for so
long. I feel sorry for her
husband. He must be a total doormat or
is entirely ignorant about how his wife feels about him. The poor chap.
“Resilient woment”?
More like stubborn barnacles latched onto their husbands for fear of
being swept away by life. This author
really is too generous to her (female) readers. PATHETIC!
Of course this silly crackpot author seems like a saint compared
to “Cindy”, the woman who wrote in complaining about her marriage. This is what Cindy says (which is the attitude of many (if not most) women out there, married or not):
-“We
seem to always be fighting . . about
the stupidest things”
-“Sex is still, good,
yes. But we don't have it very often. I find myself lusting after other
men."”
-“I know I'm lucky to
be married to someone sexy. Some of my friends don't go near their husbands.”
-“I wonder if [this
hate] is a sign that there could be a better partner out there for me.”
-“Little things grate
on me every day.”
-“My husband chews his
food loudly. I hate his father.”
-“he [her husband] is
a gentle man and a hands-on father.”
-“I have never been
suspicious of him being with other women.”
-“He makes a good
living, and that has enabled me to stay home with the kids.”
-"My hate comes
from this feeling that I'm missing out on something else."
-“ Okay I admit I
don't have any really big problems. So what about this sense of just feeling
bored?"
So let me get this straight, Cindy (and all those women out
there). You are married to a faithful
and devoted husband and family man who is still physically attractive and whom
you have good sex with and who is also a gentleman. And not only that, he makes enough money so you don’t have to
work outside the home. And it’s still
not enough, because you are bored and think you are missing out on something
better?!?!
Cindy - you are one of the most disgusting and repugnant beings
on the face of the earth. A loathsome abomination. A base, detestable creature in human form.
(I would call you a blood-sucking succubus except that succubi always have sex with their victims.)
(I would call you a blood-sucking succubus except that succubi always have sex with their victims.)
Then the author chimes in one last time. This is what she says:
“In the early years of
marriage, during my 30s and into my early-40s, I often longed for a different
life. In my 50s, I am grateful for a predictable routine with the same husband
who has helped me raise four interesting sons.”
Uh, she longed for a different life in her 30’s and 40’s because
she was still young enough to get a date.
Now that her looks have faded in her 50’s and she realizes that her
prospects for finding a new man are slim to nil, she decides that she is
‘grateful’ to have the old ball and chain around. Nice try Krasnow, but we can see through your bullsh*t.
“Ever tell a sibling or a parent, 'I hate you'? Then, an
hour later, you are hugging and wetting each other's faces with tears.”
Children and other immature people may tell their loved ones that they 'hate' them. As an adult, I would never say that to a sibling or parent (unless I didn't love them). I may hate some of the things they do, but
in a loving relationship I would never personally hate a person. I (and tons of people like me) are proof
that hate and love do not depend on each other. You can be full of both, but each is independent of the other.
This is truly a depressing (but not totally surprising)
article. To all the men reading this,
please think long and hard if you are thinking about getting married. More likely than not, this is what awaits
you after “6 months” of marriage. And
for the rest of your married life.
Men, If you really want to get married go ahead. If you are only getting married because
“it’s the thing to do” then please DON’T GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!! Don’t give these bitches a reason to walk
all over you.
______________________________________
Original article is below:
(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/iris-krasnow/help-i-hate-my-husband_b_1229627.html)
"Help! I hate my husband."
This is how a letter starts in my Inbox today. It's from a 41-year-old woman named Cindy in Dallas who has been married for 12 years. I get hate mail like this using slightly different language several times a week. Substitute the word "hate" for "loathe", "despise", "can't stand" and occasionally, "wanna kill".
I always tell these women the same thing: You are definitely not alone. Plenty of wives feel this way. Plenty of wives think about divorce at least once a month, if not more, and manage to stay married for decades. My conclusions about the see-saw between hate and love come not as a psychologist or as a minister who counsels her flock. I am an author of five relationship books, including The Secret Lives of Wives, to whom women tend to tell all, about joy and sorrow and cheating and lying, about hot sex and no sex - and lots of dish in between.
Any woman married for longer than six months, if she is honest, knows the eggshell thin line that separates loving from loathing. The deeper the love, the deeper the potential to hate. Any wife who is honest knows the compulsion to throw things, to hiss, to swear, to sit in the driveway in your bathrobe, engine running, sobbing.
What wife among you hasn't occasionally sucked down too much wine to numb the pain of grinding against the same person, in the same house, every day, for weeks, months, years?
Yet we stay married because the love out-muscles the hate in our relationships. On those days we are socked under a gray malaise, we are suddenly lifted into the light as we walk by an old photo of the family, arms looped, heads pressed together, as if we are one big animal. And so it goes; happy some moments, miserable some moments, yet grounded in this flux of emotions by a fundamental commitment to each other, to the children, to forge onward.
I know from my own 24-year marriage and from the resilient women in The Secret Lives of Wives who have stuck it out for up to 60 years that marriage is ever-changing. Their own survival stories prove that periodic explosions can open up the channels to richer and stronger relationships.
I ended up having an hour-long email conversation with Cindy from Texas. She hit my heart. I felt her pain. I've been there, and persevered. Hopefully these snippets from our exchange will help you swing through the moods of hating toward loving, or at least toward liking him a lot, again.
From Cindy:
"At some point every week I feel like leaving him. When we got married I imagined this great life we would have together and instead we seem to always be fighting, about the kids, about the fact that he is so remote, about the stupidest things."
From me:
"Are you still attracted to him?"
From Cindy:
"Sex is still, good, yes. But we don't have it very often. I find myself lusting after other men."
From me:
"Have sex more often with your husband. Keep the lusting in your imagination unless you want a torn up heart and buckets of guilt. Fantasy can be way better than reality; take it from one married woman who told me how she took a hubba-hubba office mate to a nearby hotel. Once he took off his shirt she saw a back that was so hairy she couldn't even kiss him: As she put it: 'He was gorgeous in his suit and I should have left it at that.'
"Sorry if this offends because your husband has a hairy back. I'm sure he's adorable, but it wasn't this woman's taste.
From Cindy:
"No hairy back - don't like them either. I know I'm lucky to be married to someone sexy. Some of my friends don't go near their husbands. But this hate I feel, it simmers and I wonder if it's a sign that there could be a better partner out there for me. Little things grate on me every day. My husband chews his food loudly. I hate his father. I hate our domestic hum-drum. This can't be love!"
From me:
"Does he beat you? Is he gambling away all your money? Is he verbally abusive to you? Does he whack your children? Is he a philanderer?"
From Cindy:
"No, he's a gentle man and a hands-on father. I have never been suspicious of him being with other women. He makes a good living, and that has enabled me to stay home with the kids.
"My hate comes from this feeling that I'm missing out on something else."
From me:
"Here's what you are missing out on, according to some wives who write to me. How about the agony of finding out your husband is sleeping with your best girlfriend? Or, getting daily critiques from your husband that you are repulsive to look at and lazy? One woman shared with me how her husband grew so frustrated with their autistic five-year-old he tossed him across the room."
From Cindy:
"Yikes! Okay I admit I don't have any really big problems. So what about this sense of just feeling bored?"
Last one from me:
"In the early years of marriage, during my 30s and into my early-40s, I often longed for a different life. In my 50s, I am grateful for a predictable routine with the same husband who has helped me raise four interesting sons. We loathe and we love and we carry on. When boredom hits, I go drinking with my girlfriends.
"Could my life be better with someone new? Perhaps, until the new becomes old, which it inevitably does. Does my head get turned by chiseled men in well-cut suits? Yes. Then I remember that I don't want to necessarily see what's under those threads. Acting on lust often turns out not to be true love but to be true disappointment. It takes grit and prolonged intimacy to love deeply and hate deeply and thus is the rhythm of family relationships. Ever tell a sibling or a parent, 'I hate you'? Then, an hour later, you are hugging and wetting each other's faces with tears.
"It takes a lot of love to hate."
This blogger's book, The Secret Lives of Wives can be found here, and she can be found on: www.iriskrasnow.com
______________________________________
Original article is below:
(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/iris-krasnow/help-i-hate-my-husband_b_1229627.html)
Help! I Hate My Husband!'
by Iris Krasnow
Author, 'The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes To Stay Married'
"Help! I hate my husband."
This is how a letter starts in my Inbox today. It's from a 41-year-old woman named Cindy in Dallas who has been married for 12 years. I get hate mail like this using slightly different language several times a week. Substitute the word "hate" for "loathe", "despise", "can't stand" and occasionally, "wanna kill".
I always tell these women the same thing: You are definitely not alone. Plenty of wives feel this way. Plenty of wives think about divorce at least once a month, if not more, and manage to stay married for decades. My conclusions about the see-saw between hate and love come not as a psychologist or as a minister who counsels her flock. I am an author of five relationship books, including The Secret Lives of Wives, to whom women tend to tell all, about joy and sorrow and cheating and lying, about hot sex and no sex - and lots of dish in between.
Any woman married for longer than six months, if she is honest, knows the eggshell thin line that separates loving from loathing. The deeper the love, the deeper the potential to hate. Any wife who is honest knows the compulsion to throw things, to hiss, to swear, to sit in the driveway in your bathrobe, engine running, sobbing.
What wife among you hasn't occasionally sucked down too much wine to numb the pain of grinding against the same person, in the same house, every day, for weeks, months, years?
Yet we stay married because the love out-muscles the hate in our relationships. On those days we are socked under a gray malaise, we are suddenly lifted into the light as we walk by an old photo of the family, arms looped, heads pressed together, as if we are one big animal. And so it goes; happy some moments, miserable some moments, yet grounded in this flux of emotions by a fundamental commitment to each other, to the children, to forge onward.
I know from my own 24-year marriage and from the resilient women in The Secret Lives of Wives who have stuck it out for up to 60 years that marriage is ever-changing. Their own survival stories prove that periodic explosions can open up the channels to richer and stronger relationships.
I ended up having an hour-long email conversation with Cindy from Texas. She hit my heart. I felt her pain. I've been there, and persevered. Hopefully these snippets from our exchange will help you swing through the moods of hating toward loving, or at least toward liking him a lot, again.
From Cindy:
"At some point every week I feel like leaving him. When we got married I imagined this great life we would have together and instead we seem to always be fighting, about the kids, about the fact that he is so remote, about the stupidest things."
From me:
"Are you still attracted to him?"
From Cindy:
"Sex is still, good, yes. But we don't have it very often. I find myself lusting after other men."
From me:
"Have sex more often with your husband. Keep the lusting in your imagination unless you want a torn up heart and buckets of guilt. Fantasy can be way better than reality; take it from one married woman who told me how she took a hubba-hubba office mate to a nearby hotel. Once he took off his shirt she saw a back that was so hairy she couldn't even kiss him: As she put it: 'He was gorgeous in his suit and I should have left it at that.'
"Sorry if this offends because your husband has a hairy back. I'm sure he's adorable, but it wasn't this woman's taste.
From Cindy:
"No hairy back - don't like them either. I know I'm lucky to be married to someone sexy. Some of my friends don't go near their husbands. But this hate I feel, it simmers and I wonder if it's a sign that there could be a better partner out there for me. Little things grate on me every day. My husband chews his food loudly. I hate his father. I hate our domestic hum-drum. This can't be love!"
From me:
"Does he beat you? Is he gambling away all your money? Is he verbally abusive to you? Does he whack your children? Is he a philanderer?"
From Cindy:
"No, he's a gentle man and a hands-on father. I have never been suspicious of him being with other women. He makes a good living, and that has enabled me to stay home with the kids.
"My hate comes from this feeling that I'm missing out on something else."
From me:
"Here's what you are missing out on, according to some wives who write to me. How about the agony of finding out your husband is sleeping with your best girlfriend? Or, getting daily critiques from your husband that you are repulsive to look at and lazy? One woman shared with me how her husband grew so frustrated with their autistic five-year-old he tossed him across the room."
From Cindy:
"Yikes! Okay I admit I don't have any really big problems. So what about this sense of just feeling bored?"
Last one from me:
"In the early years of marriage, during my 30s and into my early-40s, I often longed for a different life. In my 50s, I am grateful for a predictable routine with the same husband who has helped me raise four interesting sons. We loathe and we love and we carry on. When boredom hits, I go drinking with my girlfriends.
"Could my life be better with someone new? Perhaps, until the new becomes old, which it inevitably does. Does my head get turned by chiseled men in well-cut suits? Yes. Then I remember that I don't want to necessarily see what's under those threads. Acting on lust often turns out not to be true love but to be true disappointment. It takes grit and prolonged intimacy to love deeply and hate deeply and thus is the rhythm of family relationships. Ever tell a sibling or a parent, 'I hate you'? Then, an hour later, you are hugging and wetting each other's faces with tears.
"It takes a lot of love to hate."
This blogger's book, The Secret Lives of Wives can be found here, and she can be found on: www.iriskrasnow.com
